Sunday, May 10, 2015

WALK AWAY

It feels good to be back here after a 5 months absence. This is probably one of the longest period that I've been missing in action here. 

So much has happened during this period. Many times I'd powered up my laptop, logged in and despite all the all overwhelming thoughts and feelings that are threatening to destroy my sanity, I would always end up staring at the screen, mind in a blank, waiting for the words to magically appear. 

I always thought I knew myself well, but boy, I was so, so wrong. 

The last two months taught me something which I never knew; my patience and tolerance limit could actually stretch way, way beyond my limits. I've become a doormat, with people stepping over me time and again. To a point where I'm starting to question, is it worth it at all?

I'm a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance and we shouldn't give up easily. I put in 101% effort if not 100% in whatever I do. Be it work, relationships or the tasks I set out to achieve. But what happens when not one, not two but countless chances had been given and the situation remains unchanged? What happens when someone you truly care took your kindness and niceness for granted and stepped over the line time and again? Do we simply throw in the towel and walk away?

It only dawned on me how unhappy I am when my close friends told me they miss the cheerful me. The one with a hearty laughter and smiley face whenever I'm with them and it hurts them to see me this way. It pains me real deep to know that I had hurt the ones who love me because of that one person who doesn't appreciate my time, efforts, love and care. 

Hence, I've decided to walk away. No matter how much effort I put in it will never be enough or appreciated. I'm choosing to walk away because I do not wish to hurt those who loves me, to salvage whatever dignity and self esteem left in me. I'm walking away because I've lost all faith and hope.

Ultimately, I'm walking away because I don't deserve to be hurt. 

I deserve happiness.

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